Stay Away From Us, Enzo Amore

So a couple of days ago a statement was released via Twitter from former WWE Superstar Enzo Amore, real name Eric Arndt. That official statement looks exactly like this…

Back in January he was accused of sexually assaulting Philomena Sheahan in a hotel room. This statement, that Enzo and his lawyers have prepared, shows that there was insufficient evidence for charges to be filed and no further actions will be made by the authorities.

Now we can debate whether or not Enzo committed this particular crime all the way to next year’s Wrestlemania. That’s not what I want to talk about today. Choosing blatant sides in murky situations like this can be damaging to legitimate victims in legitimate cases of sexual assault.

Today I want to list several reasons why Enzo should stay away from the professional wrestling business all together. You want a clickbait headline before I start listing the reasons? Absolutely!

Five Reasons Why ENZO AMORE Should Stay Away From WWE, Number Four Will Make You Eat Your Own Eyes!

1. He Can’t Wrestle

Let’s start with a low-blow, and not the kind that Nakamura and Styles have been serving each other as of late. Enzo Amore has never been amazing, or even competent, when it comes to his in-ring ability. He was the smack-talker Skywalker, whatever that means, but he was no in-ring technician.

That’s usually fine in the world of WWE. If you have a big enough personality, then actual wrestling ability isn’t always necessary. Only, in his final six months, he was a part of the 205 Live roster. WWE’s cruiserweight division. Historically, the best cruiserweight divisions have had slightly below-average characters, but top-of-the-line workers from a variety of disciplines and backgrounds.

Personally, I want 205 Live to be a pallet-cleanser from the rest of WWE’s programming. I want non-stop fast-paced action, and the kind of innovative in-ring work that I wouldn’t normally see on Raw or Smackdown. I’ve only just started watching the show again because they’ve gone back to their roots. Which, in part, is mostly because of the release of Enzo Amore. Which ended his metaphorical rest-hold on a lot of talented individuals.

Was I worked by an anti-cruiserweight, anti-wrestling character? Simply put: No. Due to the fact that he failed to get the division over in the process of playing this character.

2. He Keeps Bad Company

Even if we assume that Enzo is entirely innocent of the accusers allegations, it takes a certain type of someone to be doing hard drugs with a mentally ill nineteen year-old in a hotel room in Phoenix.

If he hadn’t been in that hotel on the date stated, or if he’d never interacted with his accuser, then his statement most certainly would’ve mentioned that in order to further clear his name. So, why was someone in that situation in the first place?

He’s known to hang around with seventh-rate rappers, washed-up celebrities and attention-grabbing wannabes who’re always happy to give their time to places like TMZ. I’m not saying he’s not free to choose his own company, but who you spend your time with is surely a reflection of who you are as a person.

3. His Backstage Heat

It’s no secret that Enzo had a rough time of it backstage whilst working for the WWE. Perhaps the most infamous story, reported first by the Wrestling Observer, was that he was kicked off the bus that talent use throughout WWE’s European tour. The Observer reported that Roman Reigns himself had become tired of Enzo’s loudmouthed antics, and personally removed him from the vehicle.

Here’s Enzo being asked about the incident, so you can judge for yourself.

He seems to deny it, but then says “You can’t kick me out of some place I don’t wanna be.” Which sounds very much like a conformation that this did, in fact, happen. There are several other stories of Enzo garnering heat with the boys in the back, but a thumbs down from THE BIG DOG is probably enough a sign that he should stay away from the big leagues.

4. He Gave Us Big Cass, This Is UNFORGIVABLE

Let’s go all the way back to NXT in 2013. Enzo is paired with Collin Cassidy, a not-quite seven foot frame of solid orange urine. Now, neither of these men could go in the ring, but Enzo had enough charisma to carry the pair to being one of the most popular tag teams in NXT history.

It’s my belief that if Enzo was never in the WWE, then Big Cass would’ve been released from his developmental contract and never darkened the door of the main roster. Remember Eli Cottonwood? No? Well, the Big Cass saga would’ve been exactly the same, were it not for Enzo.

So even though Cass is his own man with his own shortcomings. And a man who is taking a main roster spot from talented men and women down in NXT. I blame Enzo for his continued appearance on WWE programming. Imagine a Daniel Bryan return-feud that didn’t involve this six foot eight charisma vacuum, and imagine a better world.

5. The Bad Press

If Enzo returned to WWE, every media outlet that covers pro-wrestling will immediately ask questions about the allegations against him. Maybe it would all blow over after a couple of weeks. In our fast-paced, twenty-four hour media cycle, scandals can be forgotten in an instant. WWE fans, however, tend to have a better memory than a lot of other subcultures. Just ask Hulk Hogan.

We never forgive, we never forget. *Cough* Katie Vick *Cough*

This is more a plea to other wrestling companies, than it is to WWE. Particularly to Impact Wrestling, who have a history of signing washed-up or controversial ex-WWE roster members, such as Alberto El Patron. Impact are only just now rebuilding their image after years in terrible obscurity. They’re taking key steps to moulding a successful brand and I believe that signing Enzo would be about three steps and a moonwalk backwards.

Nobody wants to hear the words, “What’s Ferrari Love doing in the Impact Zone?!?”

He’s not worth the risk to WWE or any other promotion. There are plenty of other talented wrestlers in the world with a clean history and a love for the business.

enzodab
A final example of Enzo being awful

I encourage Enzo to go ahead and make a seventh-rate rap album, if that’s what he ends up doing. He can call me a hater. He can call me a whole cup of haters, whatever that means. Just please, stay away from nineteen-year-olds, and stay away from wrestling.

Today is Friday, May 18th and ironic clickbait titles are fun to write.

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