MAGA Boycott 101

#BoycottWalmart made the rounds on social media yesterday, until the hashtag itself was boycotted by people making fun of the hashtag. #BoycottBoycottWalmart doesn’t have the same ring to it, and sounds like a capitalist version of a former Egyptian politician.

The hashtag came about when Trump supporters found out that Walmart had started to sell “Impeach 45” t-shirts and various other impeachment-based memorabilia. I think I saw an Impeach 45 teapot, an Impeach 45 otter harness and an Impeach 45 nostril-hair trimmer. I also saw a set of fairly smart-casual robes, but on second thought I think they were clothes designed for middle-aged Anglican priests, that read “I’m Preach 45!”

Yes you are! 45 today! Now get yourself down to Walmart for some snazzy new robes.

I want to make it clear that, with the following words, I’m making fun of MAGA supporters and not Republicans. I’m not some liberal snowflake cuck who doesn’t know my rampaging racist with a Twitter account from my nervous 2016 voter who didn’t know what else to do. Thinking those two groups are one and the same is what’ll get us another four years of Trump.

The Trump Train have tried to boycott several companies in the past and have been slightly less than successful. MAGA tried to bring down Amazon and Starbucks, because just like their president, their egos are much larger than their practical abilities.

They keep going for the biggest companies in America, for selling either anti-Trump products or for supporting minority groups in times of need, suffering or solidarity. This is foolhardy, you’ll never bring down the biggest employers in the US. At least not with the sentiment of:

“I don’t like these companies because their corporate policy is that everyone should be treated fairly and equally! What sickos!”

Centrist and left-wing movements have been more successful when it comes to getting the game of capitalism to shift a few pieces around, for the benefit of society. In the aftermath of the Parkland school shooting, March For Our Lives campaigners spoke to various gun-selling stores across the nation. Stores like Dick’s stopped selling assault-style weapons over the counter, proving once again that Dick’s have balls.

Whenever a Fox anchor or talking-head has an “Ambien” fuelled rant that goes too far, enough people manage to boycott their advertisers, so much so that they pull support from the on-air personality. Money talks. Come to think of it, can we get Ambien to pull their support for all of MAGA? They seem to use it as an excuse often enough.

Yeah, let’s have them use an off-brand of a zolpidem, something they’ve had to buy from a bloke behind the back of a bus station. Let’s make them work for their prejudiced, misinformed ravings. Make Ambien Grueling to Acquire!?

Perhaps the most amusing part about #BoycottWalmart, was the complete lack of awareness of what Walmart is.

Walmart is the biggest physical retailer in America, who sell items to the public based on popular trends. For example, in 2016 Walmart sold Lock Her Up prison costumes, based on the Fox/MAGA myth of Hilary Clinton having committed more crimes than a self-confessed rapist and tax avoider. They also continue to sell MAGA hats and t-shirts, alongside the Impeach 45 garb.


You see, Walmart are not in the business of making a political statement. They’re the same as any major retailer, they want to sell us things that we don’t actually need, in order to turn a giant profit. That’s why they stock cheaply-made fashion items from both sides of the political spectrum, because it caters to the largest possible market.

Now, if I know raving internet liberals as well as I know raving internet conservatives, then the #BoycottWalmart trend yesterday will have meant the opposite for the superstore. There’s a lot of people out there who’ll do anything to piss-off a MAGA supporter. So I can almost guarantee that the trend meant an increased number of Impeach 45 sales for Walmart, who’re the only real winners in this entire scenario.

I have to applaud MAGA for just a moment. They at least understand that the way to effect change in this society is by voting with your wallet. The kind of companies we support, reflects the America we see around us. No country in the world goes quite so hard on free-market capitalism as the good old United States.

I have a closing theory as to why MAGA only targets the large companies, the companies they use every day. Please remember that this is an opinion, and pure speculation on the subject.

Other political movements will specifically go out of their way to target companies that do unethical things, or support unethical people. They seek out the injustice, or ideological disagreement, and specify the problem and issue, in order to reach a capitalistic solution of demonetisation for said injustice.

MAGA don’t target the small, liberal companies, because they’re not thinking about them. They’re not as politically plugged in as members of other movements. They are living average American lives, shopping and consuming average American brands. So when Starbucks, Amazon or Walmart does something that they don’t agree with, you better believe they notice it.

They notice when Starbucks uses non-Christian iconography on their Christmas cups and attempt boycotts, but they don’t notice the independent coffee shops that donate a portion of their proceeds to GLAAD. They boycott Amazon because their president holds a grudge against them, without thinking about the sheer number of jobs the company has created, a core platform of their campaign. And they boycott Walmart because they’re selling anti-Trump clothing, when they’ve been selling pro-Trump clothing for a lot longer.

My point is that they’re perhaps not active thinkers, which is fine. Some people just want to get through everyday life and make it to the other side. But given the behaviour of MAGA supporters when it comes to boycotting companies, we can see that deep-down, before some orange overlord came around to distort their waking thoughts, they’re just normal, not very intelligent people.

Which is SAD.

Today is Wednesday, July 4th and it’s my first Independence Day in the United States. As a Brit, I’m going to spend the day in hiding.

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