Trump on Tour

We had a power cut yesterday, and so I had limited access to the world at large. It was brilliant.

I played with my cat — who has now had enough of me, and I read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, a book that is more of a social commentary for today than you might think. In it, we’re introduced to Lucious Malfoy — a former follower of the dark lord, who spends a lot of the book pretending that he never was quite so loyal. This reminds me of how some ex-Trump supporters are starting to behave, and how they all will once this mad blip in American history is over.

I don’t mind this, as long as they don’t keep wearing MAGA hats in secret meetings and plot the return of the orange lord.

The human equivalent of an Arby’s meal has been on a tour of Europe this week, giving Americans some much needed respite. The roadkill with lips had meetings with NATO, during which he attacked them for not meeting the 2% defense spending agreement. Fair enough. If countries make an agreement, then countries should honor it, or at least attempt to.

The problem was that rapey Tony the Tiger misquoted US spending, by sating they were spending 4.2% on defense, when the actual figure is 3.5% from NATO sources. Several independent institutes actually have the figure at around 3.1%, but let’s go with the middle number, and the horses mouth. That wasn’t another Trump insult, what I mean is directly from NATO themselves.

Being the stable, genius businessman that he is, he can’t even accurately quote spending statistics from his own country. Not knowing the numbers is the kind of mistake that would have Alan Sugar seething in the boardroom. How the hell did the melting anus of satan manage to run a business reality TV show? Did he not care about the business, and just keep the candidates who he wanted to bone? Oh, that’s right — he did his show with celebrities, because he’s not allowed within one-hundred feet of the general public.

I’m all for a strong leader, who’s a good negotiator, but out-right lying about numbers and statistics, doesn’t make for one. In debate you’re supposed to get the facts straight, and then use persuasive language to build from them. Yelling incorrect numbers, followed by folding your arms and insulting people? That’s not the behavior of a genius business mind, that’s the behavior of a baby.

Which brings me to Britain.


Now the UK really know how to put on a protest. We’ve been complaining about the way things are for centuries, and when it comes to organised complaint — we’re the world-leaders.

News about the Trump Baby Balloon™ has been all over the internet for the last couple of weeks. While I don’t think this is constructive protest against a man who genuinely personifies the worst of what modern day mankind has to offer, I do think it’s funny. The guy has a narcissistic personality disorder, and so anything to shatter his fragile ego is always going to get my support.

Before meeting with Theresa May, he conducted an exclusive interview with Rupert Murdoch owned newspaper; The Sun. For Americans — The Sun is the print equivalent of Fox News; It’s journalistic integrity is practically non-existent. The left attack it for this, and those in the centre simply ignore it. You wouldn’t even wipe your arse with an old copy of it, for fear of catching one of Murdoch’s numerous STDs.

That was a joke, not journalism. Still, more founded than most Sun stories.

In this exclusive interview, the supreme leader of pretty much only his bathroom; Attacked the way Brexit is being handled; Praised Boris Johnson and heralded him as a future PM; Attacked London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan. All before pretending that none of this happened, by acting prim proper and polite to May’s face.

The worst part is that she took it. She continued to be sweet and kind to him, despite his vicious attacks and insults about the UK. She did this because she needs a solid American trade deal for her Brexit to work. Except, Trump won’t give her a good trade deal unless Britain has the kind of Brexit that he, Boris and Putin want.

It’s all one big mess that will lead to May being ousted and Boris rising up as PM, because that’s the kind of horrible world we live in now. A Trump/Boris coalition is like the stuff of nightmares. They’ll make Thatcher and Reagan look like benevolent socialists who handed out free candy to children on a daily basis.

I’m just going to say that Britain wouldn’t be in this position if we’d decided to remain in the EU. The people who convinced us to leave are now bullying our country into submission, and the lies we were told about them having our backs, are proving to be exactly that.

But the people are in revolution, at the very least. The one uplifting thing we can take from all of this is that 100,000 people are currently protesting Trump’s presence in the UK. The only places in the world he can draw big crowds of supporters are in his safe states, and even then it’s never anywhere near a six figure number.

Of course, none of these European countries can do anything about Baron von Grope. It’s up to Americans in the 2018 mid-terms to send a message to the GOP. To let them know that this gamble of open prejudice, white supremacy and  fake-business buffoonery hasn’t paid off. Trust me, if there’s a blue wave, the GOP will turn their backs on Trump faster than anyone.

Then maybe we can go back to the whole conservative vs liberal debates again. The ones that take about five minutes until we agree to disagree. They’re much better than these hard nationalist vs extreme socialist conversations.

At least he’s off to play golf for a couple of days, so nobody has to put up with him. Apart from Scottish teenagers working summer jobs at clubs — Oh god. Somebody send them help!

Today is Friday, July 13th and nothing bad will happen today that wasn’t going to happen anyway.

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