UKIP Manifesto: A Dangerous Far-Right Document

UKIP are reportedly gaining support in the UK again. Their conference is currently underway, hosted in what I assume to be the basement of an old gentleman’s club. Helmed by new leader Gerard Batten, who is looking to stand up against the “politically-correct thought police”, UKIP have gained 6,000 new members since he put-on the racist driving-gloves.

I’m sorry — It’s dismissive to call someone a racist before you’ve even looked at their policy, personality or history. Batten — who appropriately looks like the abusive father of every men’s right’s activist — wants to repeal hate-speech guidelines, stop Muslims from opening banks and is best pals with Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon. Look, here they are shaking hands like a couple of best buds.


So when I call Gerard Batten a racist, it’s not just a flippant insult thrown at someone because we disagree on political issues, it’s because he is one.

Former leader Nigel Farage has even spoken out against Batten’s leadership, and the new direction of the party. You know you’re in trouble when the old-face of xenophobia thinks you may be going a little too far. It’s like if Harvey Weinstein suddenly commented on the Brett Kavanaugh situation by saying “Yeah, he really shouldn’t have done that.”

I don’t have a live studio audience or a writers room to know if that Weinstein joke should make the cut or not, but it’s there now, and if it’s not there anymore then this sentence doesn’t make a lick of sense. Although I’d probably end up cutting this part too. Just as UKIP should’ve cut their plans to sell Nigel Farage condoms at their conference this weekend, as none of their members will have any use for them.


UKIP have put forward a brand new manifesto, designed to make the party populist again. I’m going to list some of these policies for you, before offering the actual meaning and intention behind them. It’s a little game I like to call; Find the Prejudice! It’s really fun at family gatherings and birthday parties, but too easy at white-supremacist rallies.

It’s time to play… Find! The! Prejudice!

This week we’re looking at the new UKIP manifesto, and playing for the star prizes of a well-informed democracy and a clear conscience!

  • A very limited, points-based immigration system

“We don’t think that hard-working skilled immigrants should be able to come to the UK, but we should be able to retire to Spain at age 65 without any hassle.”

  • NHS health cards for British citizens to prevent ‘health tourism’

“We know that illegal immigrants using the NHS make up a tiny minority of the costs, less than 0.1%, but we just wanted another reason to sound as racist as you feel.”

  • Abolition of inheritance tax

“We want to keep all of daddy’s money for ourselves because we worked really hard for it by making our voices heard, as men, to the public for many years. Money please!”

  • Introduction of new grammar schools

“Look — If we’re going to go back to the pure, white utopia of the 1950s, then we may as well go all-in.”

  • Completely scrapping the overseas aid budget

“Because f*** people who’re dying from natural disasters and wars out of their control, am I right?”

  • Scrapping guidelines on hate speech and hate crimes

“They’re trying to tell us it’s a crime to call a black person a ******, set his house on fire and kill his family! This madness must end!”

  • Scrapping the climate change act

“So we had a hot summer this year? Pfft — Now 97.8% of all scientists around the world think that means we’re changing the climate? Please…Smart science folk don’t know nothing.”

  • Scrapping the BBC licence fee

“How dare we have a media company that’s funded by the entire public! We should have one media empire, controlled by one old white man, so his views are represented to the fullest capacity!”

  • Shutting down the Human Rights Commission

“Because deep down we don’t just hate foreign people, we also hate you and your children. We hate ourselves, we hate this life, we hate our own species. We’re so filled with hate that we don’t think a single thing on this planet is worth protecting! Apart from cheap pints of warm beer and imported, German vehicles.”


It’s likely that UKIP are only gaining momentum again because Brexit isn’t exactly being handled well. With six months to go until Britain must leave the EU, and rumblings of both a second referendum and no-deal scenarios, Eurosceptics are likely anxious that their plans to jettison themselves from concepts like unity and togetherness are falling through.

However, with Batten’s plans to have Yaxley-Lennon (I’m not calling him Robinson, and neither should you) join UKIP as an official member, and his plans to incorporate members of the “Alt-Right” YouTube community into his ranks, I can’t help but wonder if this is all more dangerous than it appears.

The far-right have always evolved, they’ve been doing it faster than any other political ideology since the early parts of the 20th century. It’s because, fortunately, enough people are quick to discover their true intentions. Although sometimes (1930s Germany — Where they called themselves ‘socialists’, had cool new logos and snazzy haircuts) they manage to slip through the cracks, and become the dominant power.

While we have Nazis, the KKK and other historic hate-groups back in the public-eye, I am not concerned that these organisations will ever gain more traction than they currently have. With the exception of Charlottesville in 2017, all of their rallies and marches are surrounded by ten times as many people, who stand against their toxic world-views.

What does concern me, however, are the latest rebrands that the far-right have undertaken. You’ve probably heard the term “Alt-Right” a lot, well, that’s a nickname that they gave to themselves! Their leaders still have the same-old far-right ideologies, only now they get to sound “cool” and “hip” because they’re “alternative”. Let’s start calling them what they are; Far-right leaders, YouTubers and news-outlets who want to pray on the worst aspects of humanity in order to advance their horrific ideologies.

They use meme culture, social media and microblogging to reach a new generation of potential racists — They’re trying to twist and distort disenfranchised minds from a young age. Which is the worst part! Because nobody is born a racist, you have to be taught far-right opinions. British babies don’t burst out of the womb and immediately start complaining about the legal immigrant, qualified, NHS hospital staff. That has to be taught to them by organisations like UKIP, and by men like Gerard Batten.

Let’s call this new manifesto and rebrand what it is; A shift to the far-right from an already pretty far-right political party, that’s calling for the adoption of predatory media tactics and the normalisation of hatred.

Today is Friday, September 21st and be good to each other this weekend, right now the world needs you to do just that.

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One thought on “UKIP Manifesto: A Dangerous Far-Right Document

  1. A couple quick questions, Mark. Do you think there will be a second referendum?

    Second, could you explain what the introduction of new grammar schools is all about. Just by the worlds, it would seem like a good thing.


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